One of the Facebook pages I follow contacted me to contribute an article on why nurses seem to be so misinformed about natural childbirth after I commented on their post of the same subject. The following is what I came up with:
My favorite semester of nursing school was my maternal-child class. I spent a couple of days on a post-partum unit, a couple in the NICU, and was scheduled to do two days in Labor & Delivery. In both days there, I saw zero vaginal deliveries. None. Zip. Nada. My instructor scheduled me for a third day on the unit so I could observe vaginal deliveries. I saw two: one with an epidural, one natural. The woman with the epidural had a quick delivery, but I just remember watching the epidural placement and thinking how painful it looked and how awful it would be to have that tube just sticking out your back.
The second delivery was much longer. She had been laboring for so long, she was completely exhausted. She was wearing an oxygen mask, and was in bed on the monitors. She looked miserable. The nurse and midwife were coaching pushing, counting to 10 three times during each contraction. The father wept when his baby was born, and we took the baby straight to the warmer. I remember thinking how cool it was that my classmate and I got to do the newborn exam all by ourselves, since the nurse was busy helping the midwife control bleeding. As far as I could tell the mother was starting to hemorrhage. Personally, this is one of my biggest regrets. I stood between that woman and her child. If I could go back now, I would take that baby and put him right back on his mama’s chest and encourage her to feed, which would help with the bleeding. In fact, if I could go back there would be a lot of things I would different.
When I found out we were pregnant with our first child, I embarked on a journey of enlightenment. As a nurse, I thought I was pretty educated about pregnancy and childbirth. I had no idea what I didn’t know. I knew nothing of birth hormones, of how our bodies are MADE to birth babies, how empowering birth can be when the mother is educated, informed, and in control. I had to ask myself, “Why didn’t I know any of this?”. After much thought, I’ve realized a few things about my education.
First, nursing education is based upon and centered on the medical ideology of birth. Nurses work closely with doctors, and therefore must know what to expect and how to treat clients under medical care. Our school only had so much time to teach us the massive amounts of information necessary for hospital births, including what to do in basically any medical emergency, as well as pre and post-natal care. Education on natural birth processes could easily be deemed not as important because most women don’t birth that way in a hospital setting, where a nurse would be working. What nurses are taught, what I was taught, is consistent with what nurses “need” to know.
Basically, it goes back to the mindset of birth in America. Birth is treated as a medical problem with medical treatments. And as long as it is viewed such, nursing education will be based on that medical model. Only as we continue to educate the public and change the general opinion of how birth “has to be” will we change the way nurses are educated. In the mean time, we can affect change by being a voice in local hospitals, loving educating nursing and other healthcare providers, and spreading the news that women deserve the right to birth without fear.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Week One
Its been one whole week, and I can't believe it!!!! What an adventure its been. Lets go by category to make it easier.
Feeding: The first few days it was hard to get him to eat. The nurse was telling me he needed to feed every 2-3 hours, but he didn't seem to want to, and he'd only eat for about 5 min. But we eventually got him to nurse longer. The first few nights at home he would eat every 3 hours, I wouldn't even have to wake him up, he would wake me with his fussing. Lately though, he's been falling asleep after 5 min at the breast. So i'm trying different techniques to keep him awake: tickling his feet, rubbing his jaw line, moving his arms and legs, etc. He really only wakes up once at night, if you can consider 6am morning time. My milk came in on the third day PP, but so far i've avoided engorgement and sore nipples. *score!* So, overall feeding has been going really well!! I LOVE my boppy pillow. I would loathe night feedings so much more without it. I haven't really had problems with leaking until today, the one day I didn't wear pads. Go figure. I haven't had much chance to practice nursing in public, so more on that later. Oh, and nursing makes me SUPER THIRSTY!!!! I always have to have water around now.
Diapers: I was really worried the first night, since he didn't have a dirty diaper till the middle of the night. But so far he's had MORE than enough diapers. Michael's had fun learning how to change the diaper fast enough to avoid getting peed on, or having the baby pee on himself. I barely avoided getting poop everywhere today when he let it flow while I was putting a new diaper on. lol. We're still using disposable diapers, since he's just too tiny for the cloth diapers. We actually ended up buying some smaller diapers today, even though I really don't like having to buy diapers when we spent so much money on the cloth ones. But I really didn't expect to have such a tiny baby!!!!!! Even though we have a changing table, its just been way easier to have a changing pad and diapers/wipes next to my bed so i can just change him there during the night. Michael is great, he'll often wake up if John starts fussing during a diaper change and immediately come over and try to soothe him. Its super sweet.
Sleep: He slept really well the first night, even though i didn't. We've kinda developed a routine though. He feeds and goes to sleep around 12, and then doesn't wake up till almost 4. He'll fall back asleep around 5 (usually....hopefully) and then wake up again at 6:30 or 7. Then i'll get a few more hours of sleep. So over all its been pretty nice. He sleeps in a little bed thingy in between Michael and I, so he's right by us both all night.
Hormones: Baby blues are REAL!!! I think they hit the second or third day. I started crying over anything and everything. Thinking about how different our lives were, knowing we could never go back. I never wanted to go back, and I never EVER felt any animosity towards John or blamed him. I still love feeding and holding him and being there for him. But I do miss the way Michael and I's relationship was before baby. I miss being able to cuddle with him at night, and doing other stuff that we used to do together that we can't now because one of us is always with the baby.
But it also made me cry to see Michael falling in love with our son. I would walk in and see him leaning over the baby, stroking his head and talking to him. I love the way he jumps to comfort John when he's crying. I love how much he cares about both of us and i willing to do anything. So even though emotionally this had been super hard on us both, I think it has also made me fall more in love with him. He's such a great daddy and a wonderful husband.
Also on hormones, I get SOO HOT!!! I wake up all sweaty, with wet sheets. Its kinda gross. And my hair get greasy faster. But thankfully my pimples are getting better!!
Misc:
Since delivery, my hair and nails have started growing faster. Its interesting, but also frustrating as my hair now looks super thick and fluffy in my opinion.
John's cord fell off on the third day, but the pediatrician seemed to think it was fine. I noticed yesterday though that it looked a little red and raw inside his belly button. We're keeping an eye on it and making sure nothing really rubs against it.
Physically, I think I am recovering super fast. Its pretty nice. Tucks Pads are my BEST FRIEND. Love them. And so is that peri-bottle they give you at the hospital. I've been wanting one for my periods every since I started clinicals in L&D. Now i have two!!!
I have lost about 25 lbs since having John on Sunday. I'm not sure how much of that has been actually weight lost. I think most of it was water weight. But I'm within 10 lbs of my "pre-pregnancy weight" which is kinda cool. Now to keep losing!!!!
Well, I think that is all for now. Its been a good first week. Went by to fast, yet seemed to be ages ago that he was born. I feel like he's always been part of our lives. He already looks bigger to me. His face is fatter. And he makes the CUTEST faces. I love my little boy. I love my husband. And I love my family. They've been super helpful and such wonderful support.
I am truly a blessed woman. <3
Birth!
One Week Old!
Feeding: The first few days it was hard to get him to eat. The nurse was telling me he needed to feed every 2-3 hours, but he didn't seem to want to, and he'd only eat for about 5 min. But we eventually got him to nurse longer. The first few nights at home he would eat every 3 hours, I wouldn't even have to wake him up, he would wake me with his fussing. Lately though, he's been falling asleep after 5 min at the breast. So i'm trying different techniques to keep him awake: tickling his feet, rubbing his jaw line, moving his arms and legs, etc. He really only wakes up once at night, if you can consider 6am morning time. My milk came in on the third day PP, but so far i've avoided engorgement and sore nipples. *score!* So, overall feeding has been going really well!! I LOVE my boppy pillow. I would loathe night feedings so much more without it. I haven't really had problems with leaking until today, the one day I didn't wear pads. Go figure. I haven't had much chance to practice nursing in public, so more on that later. Oh, and nursing makes me SUPER THIRSTY!!!! I always have to have water around now.
Diapers: I was really worried the first night, since he didn't have a dirty diaper till the middle of the night. But so far he's had MORE than enough diapers. Michael's had fun learning how to change the diaper fast enough to avoid getting peed on, or having the baby pee on himself. I barely avoided getting poop everywhere today when he let it flow while I was putting a new diaper on. lol. We're still using disposable diapers, since he's just too tiny for the cloth diapers. We actually ended up buying some smaller diapers today, even though I really don't like having to buy diapers when we spent so much money on the cloth ones. But I really didn't expect to have such a tiny baby!!!!!! Even though we have a changing table, its just been way easier to have a changing pad and diapers/wipes next to my bed so i can just change him there during the night. Michael is great, he'll often wake up if John starts fussing during a diaper change and immediately come over and try to soothe him. Its super sweet.
Sleep: He slept really well the first night, even though i didn't. We've kinda developed a routine though. He feeds and goes to sleep around 12, and then doesn't wake up till almost 4. He'll fall back asleep around 5 (usually....hopefully) and then wake up again at 6:30 or 7. Then i'll get a few more hours of sleep. So over all its been pretty nice. He sleeps in a little bed thingy in between Michael and I, so he's right by us both all night.
Hormones: Baby blues are REAL!!! I think they hit the second or third day. I started crying over anything and everything. Thinking about how different our lives were, knowing we could never go back. I never wanted to go back, and I never EVER felt any animosity towards John or blamed him. I still love feeding and holding him and being there for him. But I do miss the way Michael and I's relationship was before baby. I miss being able to cuddle with him at night, and doing other stuff that we used to do together that we can't now because one of us is always with the baby.
But it also made me cry to see Michael falling in love with our son. I would walk in and see him leaning over the baby, stroking his head and talking to him. I love the way he jumps to comfort John when he's crying. I love how much he cares about both of us and i willing to do anything. So even though emotionally this had been super hard on us both, I think it has also made me fall more in love with him. He's such a great daddy and a wonderful husband.
Also on hormones, I get SOO HOT!!! I wake up all sweaty, with wet sheets. Its kinda gross. And my hair get greasy faster. But thankfully my pimples are getting better!!
Misc:
Since delivery, my hair and nails have started growing faster. Its interesting, but also frustrating as my hair now looks super thick and fluffy in my opinion.
John's cord fell off on the third day, but the pediatrician seemed to think it was fine. I noticed yesterday though that it looked a little red and raw inside his belly button. We're keeping an eye on it and making sure nothing really rubs against it.
Physically, I think I am recovering super fast. Its pretty nice. Tucks Pads are my BEST FRIEND. Love them. And so is that peri-bottle they give you at the hospital. I've been wanting one for my periods every since I started clinicals in L&D. Now i have two!!!
I have lost about 25 lbs since having John on Sunday. I'm not sure how much of that has been actually weight lost. I think most of it was water weight. But I'm within 10 lbs of my "pre-pregnancy weight" which is kinda cool. Now to keep losing!!!!
Well, I think that is all for now. Its been a good first week. Went by to fast, yet seemed to be ages ago that he was born. I feel like he's always been part of our lives. He already looks bigger to me. His face is fatter. And he makes the CUTEST faces. I love my little boy. I love my husband. And I love my family. They've been super helpful and such wonderful support.
I am truly a blessed woman. <3
Birth!
One Week Old!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
I DID IT!!!!!
OOh my lyanta.I can't believe my little baby is here in my arms!!! The past few days have been just unbelievable!!! I feel like i'm not able to soak it all in, so I want to reflect on it right now and cherish these memories forever.
It all started when my water broke Friday night. I had been eating labor inducing foods like eggplant and basil, bouncing on the birthing ball, and swaying my hips all day. I remember that I had been thinking all day about how random events would be funny if I went into labor that day: like the fact that my parents were out of town and we were house-sitting for them while watching my memory-impaired grandmother. Later that night, I realized it was a full moon. And not just any full moon, a blue moon!! I got SUPER crazy excited, texting Michael at work and posting on FB that maybe it would be my night!
As the evening wore on, I started to get grandma ready for bed. While waiting for her to get out of the bathroom, I did a deep squat in the doorway for a moment. When she went into her room, i walked over to make sure she was getting dressed ok and suddenly felt like I had peed my pants. GASP. Could this be it?! I went to the bathroom, still not sure. I texted Michael "HOLY SHIT MY WATER JUST BROKE" because right when I sat down I was pretty sure. But you still have those nagging doubts. I put a pad on and told Michael that no, he didn't need to come home from work. I still wasn't having contractions. I stayed up waiting for Michael to come home, hoping my contractions would start. I took a hot shower, hoping to relax my body into labor. I laid on the couch and watch tv. At one point I stood up to go to the bathroom and had that classic water running down your legs moment. I could see the little white flecks of vernix in the fluid. No doubt in my mind now. But where were those darn contractions?!
I didn't sleep well at all. Anxious and excited about everything I suppose. The next morning we called my midwife Rita around 8:30. It had been almost 12 hours post ROM without any sign of labor. She had me meet her at the hospital for a non-stress test to see how baby was doing and make sure my water really had broken. It felt good to finally be doing something. I was glad to hear my water really had broken and I wasn't just being silly. But no contractions. Baby was doing great, which was also very good to hear. Rita told me she would give me 12 more hours to see if labor would start, but if it hadn't we would need to take steps to get him out to prevent infection. She didn't do a pelvic exam so the risk would stay super low. Basically non-existent as long as labor hadn't started. So we went back home. I bounced on the ball all day. Baby hadn't really descended super low, so i was trying to get him to come down. I ate more eggplant and chocolate "labor cake." I paced the house. I bounced on the ball. Nothing. Still nothing. We returned to the hospital at 7:30pm as Rita instructed. I was either going to be induced with Cervadil, or end up C-section if my cervix was closed and baby was still high. It was still so surreal that we were having a baby this weekend, one way or another. My mom had driven back into town, and Michael's parents had met us that day too. But we agreed it would probably be better if they waited before coming down.
I was admitted into the hospital right away, and Rita checked me. Baby had dropped lower, but my cervix was still thick and closed. Soft, but thick and closed. And, baby was Sunny-side up. Rita placed Cervadil up under my cervix to encourage it to soften and open up. And then we waited. We tried to sleep a bit, but of course I couldn't. My mom stopped by for a bit and brought us some snacks. I ate more of my labor cake. Mom left, and we tried to sleep again. But at that point the contractions started! It mostly just felt like uncomfortable cramps. But I couldn't sleep. I'm hazy on the details now, but I think I just paced the room while Michael slept a bit. Around 11 I started timing them. They were about 5 min apart. At this point i think i was still deep breathing through them. I told the nurse, and she put me on the monitor for a bit. The contractions barely registered at all. She suggested a shower, but I didn't feel like it at the time. Michael fell asleep again, and I continued to labor away. I eventually started to moan through the contractions, constantly reminding myself to keep my voice low and exhaling all the way with them. I started lying on top of a bunch of pillows in the bed, sleeping between the contractions and moaning and swaying my hips through them. When that stopped working I moved to the counter. I held on and swayed my hips in circles. I didn't consciously think about the fact that this would turn the baby, but it was exactly what I needed to be doing. Eventually I timed the contractions as 3ish min apart for about an hour. The nurse came in to check on me again, and I could barely focus on what was going on through the contractions. She wanted me to go back on the monitor, but i refused. I also refused to be checked. I didn't want to be disappointed if I was only at 2cm. Apparently, my nurse didn't tell Rita that I was reporting contractions that close. I eventually got in the shower, but it wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped.
Eventually the nurse did put me back on the monitor. Again, the contractions barely registered. I didn't know it at the time, but both Rita and the nurse believed I wasn't progressing. Even though I was obviously in active labor and could barely stand to be on the bed during contractions, because the monitor wasn't showing them, my nurse seemed to think they didn't exist. (Don't get me wrong, she wasn't mean or anything. Rita just told me later she felt that she hadn't been fully informed about my progress). I continued to labor standing by the countertop, swaying my hips and moaning. I was constantly moaning by this point, just getting louder and more deliberate with each contraction. I sat on the toilet for a while, falling asleep between contractions and trying to "hee-hee-hooo" my way through them. At some point I threw up. And again. And again. Probably 4 or 5 times total. It was worse when I was on the monitors. The hee-hooing eventually stopped working and I went back to moaning.
My morning nurse came in and asked me to go back on the monitor. She was..shall we say....very technical. And lacking in people skills. I feel like I was on the monitor forever, pushing my hips up so i could still sway them with each contraction. If someone came in the room in the middle of a contraction, I would lose focus and it was soo hard to relax and breathe again. I remember thinking "I must be in transition, because I'm telling myself 'I can't do this anymore.'" I also remember thinking "Where the f*** is Rita!" as she was supposed to be coming in at 8 to check me. My mother eventually came, but I don't remember her showing up, just that she was there. She told me later she was very worried when she saw how hard I was laboring and how little the contractions were showing up. Then the baby's heartbeat started to drop after contractions, a bad sign. My highly techincal nurse was very worried, and when she saw my blood pressure (I had been borderline pre-eclamptic for the past few weeks) she started an IV. At this point, we were all sure that I was not progressing, at that I was going to end up with a C-section. I just remember thinking "I wonder what it would be like to have the epidural for the c-section" thinking that soon I would find out. Rita finally came, and with a "That's enough of THAT" she let me off the monitor. I jumped to my feet and leaned over the bed, barely making it to my feet before the contraction hit. When it was over, I climbed back onto the bed so she could check me.
SURPRISE! I was 8cm and 90% effaced!!! We were all so shocked. I don't think I even registered what that meant. I barely had time to flip over onto my hands and knees before the next contraction hit. It felt like just a few moments later I told Rita I felt like I had to push. She said "Go ahead! If your body is telling you to push, push!" I was soo surprised and grateful that she didn't make me wait till 10cm. I gasped to her "Am I having this baby right now?" I couldn't believe I had made it and I was actually going to deliver him! I started pushing and noticed the contractions changed. They no longer hurt like they did before. And it was nice to do something different. But it felt like nothing was actually working. Michael and Rita and my mom kept rubbing my lower back and dabbing my face with a cold cloth. Apparently I was sweating a lot. I also remember that i was pressing my IV hand into my face and it kinda hurt. I kept asking if he was crowning yet. Rita told me I would know when I felt the burning. She encouraged me to wait for the impulse to push and to breathe with the urge. Her encouragement meant so much to me. I could hear her telling me and my family how in control I was, how I was so in tune with my body, how I knew exactly what I was doing. It was SO encouraging to hear that and gave me the strength to go on. I finally realized I was crowning. I didn't know it, but as I was waiting for the urges to breathe him out, I was keeping myself from tearing and allowing the skin to stretch. I finally reached down and was able to feel his warm squishy head!!!! I waited for the next urge and pushed again. I remember feeling like Rita was shoving her fingers around the baby's head and it hurt SOO BAD. It burned like nothing else!!! I remember yelling "OW OW OW OW" and wishing she would move her fingers!! I don't remember feeling the head come out, I just remember Rita saying "There you go! Finish it finish it!" and she pulled him out as I gave a final push. Actually, I almost think he was out in one push...it all happened so fast. My mom was actually filming, and even though she wasn't supposed to film the birth she accidentally did because she didn't know it was happening! You can't see it in the video though, so i guess thats "technically" not filming the birth.
I had been kneeling over the raised head of the bed, and I didn't even realize he was out until she passed the warm little slime-ball into my arms saying "take him take him!" I went up on my knees and just said "oh my god oh my god oh my god" over and over again. He was a little blue, and Rita kept telling me to talk to him and rub him. I looked up at Michael like "look!" It was incredible. I also peeked to make sure they were right about the "boy" diagnosis. =) I remember thinking "when did the bed get to be so high??" I was scared to turn over and sit down, but kneeling hurt! They finally helped me to flip over and sit and they put blankets over baby and I, and michael just stood there next to me as we admired our little boy. I remember thinking "Aren't you supposed to forget the pain when they come out!?" as it still hurt pretty bad. Thankfully though i hadn't torn at all!! We let the cord pulse, and then michael got to cut it after John had got all the cord blood. Birthing the placenta was....interesting. So warm and gross. Michael was absolutely disgusted that I wanted to make pills out of it and eat them. =D Maybe next time.
We got to nurse and bond skin to skin for almost 2 hours before they finally took him to weigh and measure. He was a tiny 6lbs 4oz, 18.5 in long! He screamed at being taken away from me. It made me cry. He peed on the mean nurse though, which made me laugh. Michael went over and started talking to him and holding his hand and he instantly calmed down. So cute and precious. They got me up to pee, and HOLY COW did that BURN! Hurt worse than labor in my opinion. I peed 3 drops and that was all I could manage. I remember the mesh panties with the thick pads just looked super comfy. I loved those mesh panties. I've heard some women say they hate them, but I will never understand that. I took home all the ones i could find in my room and wore them for the next 3 days! Then they wheeled us off to the Mother-Baby unit where grandpas and aunties got to come see us. That was a long night, but one i will never forget. Lying there in the semi darkness, cuddling skin-to-skin and nursing my newborn son, watching my husband (finally) sleep. As comfy as my own bed is, I almost wished we were back in the hospital our first night home. I didn't mind not sleeping then. I didn't mind anything. All that mattered was that I had done it, and my son was in my arms. He was held virtually non-stop the entire first 24 hrs of his life. I want him to feel and know he is loved beyond anything else.
I'm still in awe of my body and my mind and what I was able to accomplish as they worked together. I can't imagine doing it again, but at the same time i'm excited go back into that special place of strength and power. The fact that Rita told me later that I could have done it without her (though I doubt it, I needed her verbal support if nothing else) and that I could "write the book and teach the class" still makes me swell up with pride. I almost feel bad about how proud I feel, but at the same time, i think its ok to be prideful about something like this. ;)
Leaving to the hospital!!
Laboring/sleeping on the bed
Pushing! Michael rubbing my lower back felt so nice.
He's here!!!
The amazing placenta!!
The happy family!
It all started when my water broke Friday night. I had been eating labor inducing foods like eggplant and basil, bouncing on the birthing ball, and swaying my hips all day. I remember that I had been thinking all day about how random events would be funny if I went into labor that day: like the fact that my parents were out of town and we were house-sitting for them while watching my memory-impaired grandmother. Later that night, I realized it was a full moon. And not just any full moon, a blue moon!! I got SUPER crazy excited, texting Michael at work and posting on FB that maybe it would be my night!
As the evening wore on, I started to get grandma ready for bed. While waiting for her to get out of the bathroom, I did a deep squat in the doorway for a moment. When she went into her room, i walked over to make sure she was getting dressed ok and suddenly felt like I had peed my pants. GASP. Could this be it?! I went to the bathroom, still not sure. I texted Michael "HOLY SHIT MY WATER JUST BROKE" because right when I sat down I was pretty sure. But you still have those nagging doubts. I put a pad on and told Michael that no, he didn't need to come home from work. I still wasn't having contractions. I stayed up waiting for Michael to come home, hoping my contractions would start. I took a hot shower, hoping to relax my body into labor. I laid on the couch and watch tv. At one point I stood up to go to the bathroom and had that classic water running down your legs moment. I could see the little white flecks of vernix in the fluid. No doubt in my mind now. But where were those darn contractions?!
I didn't sleep well at all. Anxious and excited about everything I suppose. The next morning we called my midwife Rita around 8:30. It had been almost 12 hours post ROM without any sign of labor. She had me meet her at the hospital for a non-stress test to see how baby was doing and make sure my water really had broken. It felt good to finally be doing something. I was glad to hear my water really had broken and I wasn't just being silly. But no contractions. Baby was doing great, which was also very good to hear. Rita told me she would give me 12 more hours to see if labor would start, but if it hadn't we would need to take steps to get him out to prevent infection. She didn't do a pelvic exam so the risk would stay super low. Basically non-existent as long as labor hadn't started. So we went back home. I bounced on the ball all day. Baby hadn't really descended super low, so i was trying to get him to come down. I ate more eggplant and chocolate "labor cake." I paced the house. I bounced on the ball. Nothing. Still nothing. We returned to the hospital at 7:30pm as Rita instructed. I was either going to be induced with Cervadil, or end up C-section if my cervix was closed and baby was still high. It was still so surreal that we were having a baby this weekend, one way or another. My mom had driven back into town, and Michael's parents had met us that day too. But we agreed it would probably be better if they waited before coming down.
I was admitted into the hospital right away, and Rita checked me. Baby had dropped lower, but my cervix was still thick and closed. Soft, but thick and closed. And, baby was Sunny-side up. Rita placed Cervadil up under my cervix to encourage it to soften and open up. And then we waited. We tried to sleep a bit, but of course I couldn't. My mom stopped by for a bit and brought us some snacks. I ate more of my labor cake. Mom left, and we tried to sleep again. But at that point the contractions started! It mostly just felt like uncomfortable cramps. But I couldn't sleep. I'm hazy on the details now, but I think I just paced the room while Michael slept a bit. Around 11 I started timing them. They were about 5 min apart. At this point i think i was still deep breathing through them. I told the nurse, and she put me on the monitor for a bit. The contractions barely registered at all. She suggested a shower, but I didn't feel like it at the time. Michael fell asleep again, and I continued to labor away. I eventually started to moan through the contractions, constantly reminding myself to keep my voice low and exhaling all the way with them. I started lying on top of a bunch of pillows in the bed, sleeping between the contractions and moaning and swaying my hips through them. When that stopped working I moved to the counter. I held on and swayed my hips in circles. I didn't consciously think about the fact that this would turn the baby, but it was exactly what I needed to be doing. Eventually I timed the contractions as 3ish min apart for about an hour. The nurse came in to check on me again, and I could barely focus on what was going on through the contractions. She wanted me to go back on the monitor, but i refused. I also refused to be checked. I didn't want to be disappointed if I was only at 2cm. Apparently, my nurse didn't tell Rita that I was reporting contractions that close. I eventually got in the shower, but it wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped.
Eventually the nurse did put me back on the monitor. Again, the contractions barely registered. I didn't know it at the time, but both Rita and the nurse believed I wasn't progressing. Even though I was obviously in active labor and could barely stand to be on the bed during contractions, because the monitor wasn't showing them, my nurse seemed to think they didn't exist. (Don't get me wrong, she wasn't mean or anything. Rita just told me later she felt that she hadn't been fully informed about my progress). I continued to labor standing by the countertop, swaying my hips and moaning. I was constantly moaning by this point, just getting louder and more deliberate with each contraction. I sat on the toilet for a while, falling asleep between contractions and trying to "hee-hee-hooo" my way through them. At some point I threw up. And again. And again. Probably 4 or 5 times total. It was worse when I was on the monitors. The hee-hooing eventually stopped working and I went back to moaning.
My morning nurse came in and asked me to go back on the monitor. She was..shall we say....very technical. And lacking in people skills. I feel like I was on the monitor forever, pushing my hips up so i could still sway them with each contraction. If someone came in the room in the middle of a contraction, I would lose focus and it was soo hard to relax and breathe again. I remember thinking "I must be in transition, because I'm telling myself 'I can't do this anymore.'" I also remember thinking "Where the f*** is Rita!" as she was supposed to be coming in at 8 to check me. My mother eventually came, but I don't remember her showing up, just that she was there. She told me later she was very worried when she saw how hard I was laboring and how little the contractions were showing up. Then the baby's heartbeat started to drop after contractions, a bad sign. My highly techincal nurse was very worried, and when she saw my blood pressure (I had been borderline pre-eclamptic for the past few weeks) she started an IV. At this point, we were all sure that I was not progressing, at that I was going to end up with a C-section. I just remember thinking "I wonder what it would be like to have the epidural for the c-section" thinking that soon I would find out. Rita finally came, and with a "That's enough of THAT" she let me off the monitor. I jumped to my feet and leaned over the bed, barely making it to my feet before the contraction hit. When it was over, I climbed back onto the bed so she could check me.
SURPRISE! I was 8cm and 90% effaced!!! We were all so shocked. I don't think I even registered what that meant. I barely had time to flip over onto my hands and knees before the next contraction hit. It felt like just a few moments later I told Rita I felt like I had to push. She said "Go ahead! If your body is telling you to push, push!" I was soo surprised and grateful that she didn't make me wait till 10cm. I gasped to her "Am I having this baby right now?" I couldn't believe I had made it and I was actually going to deliver him! I started pushing and noticed the contractions changed. They no longer hurt like they did before. And it was nice to do something different. But it felt like nothing was actually working. Michael and Rita and my mom kept rubbing my lower back and dabbing my face with a cold cloth. Apparently I was sweating a lot. I also remember that i was pressing my IV hand into my face and it kinda hurt. I kept asking if he was crowning yet. Rita told me I would know when I felt the burning. She encouraged me to wait for the impulse to push and to breathe with the urge. Her encouragement meant so much to me. I could hear her telling me and my family how in control I was, how I was so in tune with my body, how I knew exactly what I was doing. It was SO encouraging to hear that and gave me the strength to go on. I finally realized I was crowning. I didn't know it, but as I was waiting for the urges to breathe him out, I was keeping myself from tearing and allowing the skin to stretch. I finally reached down and was able to feel his warm squishy head!!!! I waited for the next urge and pushed again. I remember feeling like Rita was shoving her fingers around the baby's head and it hurt SOO BAD. It burned like nothing else!!! I remember yelling "OW OW OW OW" and wishing she would move her fingers!! I don't remember feeling the head come out, I just remember Rita saying "There you go! Finish it finish it!" and she pulled him out as I gave a final push. Actually, I almost think he was out in one push...it all happened so fast. My mom was actually filming, and even though she wasn't supposed to film the birth she accidentally did because she didn't know it was happening! You can't see it in the video though, so i guess thats "technically" not filming the birth.
I had been kneeling over the raised head of the bed, and I didn't even realize he was out until she passed the warm little slime-ball into my arms saying "take him take him!" I went up on my knees and just said "oh my god oh my god oh my god" over and over again. He was a little blue, and Rita kept telling me to talk to him and rub him. I looked up at Michael like "look!" It was incredible. I also peeked to make sure they were right about the "boy" diagnosis. =) I remember thinking "when did the bed get to be so high??" I was scared to turn over and sit down, but kneeling hurt! They finally helped me to flip over and sit and they put blankets over baby and I, and michael just stood there next to me as we admired our little boy. I remember thinking "Aren't you supposed to forget the pain when they come out!?" as it still hurt pretty bad. Thankfully though i hadn't torn at all!! We let the cord pulse, and then michael got to cut it after John had got all the cord blood. Birthing the placenta was....interesting. So warm and gross. Michael was absolutely disgusted that I wanted to make pills out of it and eat them. =D Maybe next time.
We got to nurse and bond skin to skin for almost 2 hours before they finally took him to weigh and measure. He was a tiny 6lbs 4oz, 18.5 in long! He screamed at being taken away from me. It made me cry. He peed on the mean nurse though, which made me laugh. Michael went over and started talking to him and holding his hand and he instantly calmed down. So cute and precious. They got me up to pee, and HOLY COW did that BURN! Hurt worse than labor in my opinion. I peed 3 drops and that was all I could manage. I remember the mesh panties with the thick pads just looked super comfy. I loved those mesh panties. I've heard some women say they hate them, but I will never understand that. I took home all the ones i could find in my room and wore them for the next 3 days! Then they wheeled us off to the Mother-Baby unit where grandpas and aunties got to come see us. That was a long night, but one i will never forget. Lying there in the semi darkness, cuddling skin-to-skin and nursing my newborn son, watching my husband (finally) sleep. As comfy as my own bed is, I almost wished we were back in the hospital our first night home. I didn't mind not sleeping then. I didn't mind anything. All that mattered was that I had done it, and my son was in my arms. He was held virtually non-stop the entire first 24 hrs of his life. I want him to feel and know he is loved beyond anything else.
I'm still in awe of my body and my mind and what I was able to accomplish as they worked together. I can't imagine doing it again, but at the same time i'm excited go back into that special place of strength and power. The fact that Rita told me later that I could have done it without her (though I doubt it, I needed her verbal support if nothing else) and that I could "write the book and teach the class" still makes me swell up with pride. I almost feel bad about how proud I feel, but at the same time, i think its ok to be prideful about something like this. ;)
Leaving to the hospital!!
Laboring/sleeping on the bed
Pushing! Michael rubbing my lower back felt so nice.
He's here!!!
The amazing placenta!!
The happy family!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Pregnancy=not glamourous!!
I am SOOO effing sick of being puffy!!!
My feet are almost constantly swollen, as well as my legs. My toes look all short and stubby. If i lean my legs against anything they get a mark on them. Additionally, my wrists and hands are swollen. When i try to cut things with a fork or open a soda bottle, my hands get all tingly and numb from the swelling. My wedding ring is threatening to cut into my skin. My nose and lips are swollen, and i'm sure my face is bigger too. I just want to not be fat and puffy anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm also sick of the acne. My skin is super oily now, and i'm breaking out like a teenager again. Its not only my face though. Its my chest and back too. I'm constantly covered in zits. I feel so gross.
And lets not mention the hormones!!! OH EHM GEE I feel like i'm 13 again. The littlest things piss me off. I'm grumpy half the time, randomly crying the other half. I'm not very rational in my thinking right now either, which pisses me off. Plus on top of the above mentioned symptoms it makes my self esteem plummet. I feel like crying when I think about my body. I don't even want my husband to see me naked anymore!
FIRE!!!! IN MY EFFING THROAT!!!!! I swear, the acid reflux will be the death of me!! I get nauseated at night, just from the acid. I'll wake up in the middle of the night with barf in my mouth. Not cuz i got sick, but because it just came up. And heartburn in general just kills me. Grrrrrrr....
I'm so ready to not be pregnant anymore. I'm ready to have my son in my arms, because it would make this feel so much more worth it. Its still not real that i'll have my son in my arms in just a few weeks. I just feel like i'm gonna be pregnant and miserable forever. =(
And i know this is totally bitchy, but please don't comment (not like anyone ever does) with anything encouraging like "It's almost over! It'll all be worth it! Awww you won't be pregnant forever!" etc etc. I know. Duh. I just need a safe place to vent. No one really understands, and those who do understand have NO sympathy because they've all had to endure the same stuff. So...whatever. I'm just gonna....go cry now or something.
My feet are almost constantly swollen, as well as my legs. My toes look all short and stubby. If i lean my legs against anything they get a mark on them. Additionally, my wrists and hands are swollen. When i try to cut things with a fork or open a soda bottle, my hands get all tingly and numb from the swelling. My wedding ring is threatening to cut into my skin. My nose and lips are swollen, and i'm sure my face is bigger too. I just want to not be fat and puffy anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm also sick of the acne. My skin is super oily now, and i'm breaking out like a teenager again. Its not only my face though. Its my chest and back too. I'm constantly covered in zits. I feel so gross.
And lets not mention the hormones!!! OH EHM GEE I feel like i'm 13 again. The littlest things piss me off. I'm grumpy half the time, randomly crying the other half. I'm not very rational in my thinking right now either, which pisses me off. Plus on top of the above mentioned symptoms it makes my self esteem plummet. I feel like crying when I think about my body. I don't even want my husband to see me naked anymore!
FIRE!!!! IN MY EFFING THROAT!!!!! I swear, the acid reflux will be the death of me!! I get nauseated at night, just from the acid. I'll wake up in the middle of the night with barf in my mouth. Not cuz i got sick, but because it just came up. And heartburn in general just kills me. Grrrrrrr....
I'm so ready to not be pregnant anymore. I'm ready to have my son in my arms, because it would make this feel so much more worth it. Its still not real that i'll have my son in my arms in just a few weeks. I just feel like i'm gonna be pregnant and miserable forever. =(
And i know this is totally bitchy, but please don't comment (not like anyone ever does) with anything encouraging like "It's almost over! It'll all be worth it! Awww you won't be pregnant forever!" etc etc. I know. Duh. I just need a safe place to vent. No one really understands, and those who do understand have NO sympathy because they've all had to endure the same stuff. So...whatever. I'm just gonna....go cry now or something.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
How do you make a hormone??
(photo from https://www.facebook.com/NaturalMumOnTheCheap)
This is something I wish I had learned in nursing school. They taught us that Pitocin was just synthetic oxytocin. I didn't know it had totally different effects until I became pregnant and started doing my own research.
Pitocin causes contractions to be stronger and longer, making it much more painful for the mother, and decreasing oxygen supply to the baby. It can also wear out the uterus much faster because its forcing it to contract at a different pace than it would otherwise. All this combined makes the mother more likely to want pain relief measures, since contractions are so much more painful than they would be otherwise. If she gets an epidural, it can slow down her labor, causing them to up the dose of the Pitocin. The contractions can become so intense that the baby begins to go into distress, causing everyone to have major concern (for obvious reasons) and leading to a possible c-section.
And on top of all that, Pitocin blocks the release of natural oxytocin.
Now, plenty of women use Pitocin for numerous reasons and haven't had these complications. I have nothing against women who chose to use Pitocin, I don't think they're "weak" or "stupid" or "ill informed." I just prefer to not use it if i don't have to.
Anyways, that's my rant about hormones. As Ina May Gaskin said "The same hormones that get the baby in, get the baby out!"
To answer the question in the subject line: Don't pay her. ;)
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Baby Shower!!
Aren't those cupcakes adorable?! Stephanie is amazing. My baby shower this morning was SO much fun.
First, we played a game where no one is allowed to say the word "baby" for the duration of the shower. Each person got 3 clothes pins to decorate, and if the word "baby" was said, they would have to surrender a clothes pin to the person who caught them. The person at the end of the shower with the most pins wins! It was fun to play the rest of the games without saying the word "baby"
Next, we played Bible baby name game. One of the hostesses read some clues about people in the Bible, such as mother or brother names, and we had to guess who it was. Whoever guessed the most correct wins! I happened to win that one...hehe.
Then, it was time for Catch Phrase. Steph had wrote some words on cards such as "9 months," "little swimmers," "cervix," and "ovulation." We set a timer for 1 min and passed the cards from person to person, trying to make our teammates say the word without saying any part of it ourselves. When the time ran out, the opposite team of whoever was holding the cards got a point. Every other person is on the same team, so you try to pass the cards as fast as possible. It was so fun, and funny when the more modest ladies got words like "sperm." lol
Next, we also played Pin the Sperm on the Egg. Just your good old fashioned Pin The Tail on the Donkey with a fertilizing twist using paper cutouts of sperm and a giant egg drawn on paper. Whoever got closest to the "x" marked on the egg won! We had to have the two closest girls go again, and even brought out the tape measure to be fair. =)
Finally, we played a game where you had to fasten the diaper around a smaller size balloon, only it was using cloth diapers and safety pin. You had to be careful, or else you would pop the balloon!! We only had two diapers, so we did races in groups of two and let the winners compete. I think this is where most of us lost our clothes pins...lol.
Then, it was time for delicious cupcakes, goldfish crackers (it was penguin themed, and since penguins eat fish...) and presents!! Finally, we tallied up who had the most pins, and gave the last prize away. Overall, it was such a fantastic party! I'm so grateful for my awesome friends. =D
Monday, May 28, 2012
Unassisted Childbirth
I LOVE reading stories like this: http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2012/05/28/accidental-unassisted-vbac-after-an-inverted-t-incision/
It makes me laugh that she was "planning" an unassisted birth all along, because I am secretly hoping that's what happens for us too. Maybe I should start stockpiling "just in case" items too. ;) But seriously, I'm doing the same thing she did: planning my all natural hospital birth, while all the while visioning giving birth at home. Relaxing in bed and/or in the shower, doing yoga in the living room to help myself relax, giving birth in my own bed, with michael and my mom there to support, other family in the living room anxiously waiting to see the little guy.
Contrasted with:
Laboring at home/my parents for the majority of labor. I don't want to go to the hospital too early, but honestly i'm a little worried about how comfortable it will be to get in the car and sit like that while in transition. I will probably do most of the labor at my parents house, since they have a hot tub, and its closer to the hospital than my house. Ideally i'd like to get to the hospital and start pushing. Of course, first i'll have to make sure the nurses know my birth plan. No iv's, don't even offer me the epidural, baby goes right on my chest, no shots, at least an hour before they ask to take him for weights and footprints. Only michael, my mom and/or my doula in the room. Others not allowed to come in the room until after i'm transferred to the PP unit. Cold, clinical, sterile. I work in hospitals. I don't want to have my baby there.....
Anyways.....
This little boy seems to like using my bladder as a trampoline. And I can only feel him when I'm sitting down, or lying flat (which I know you're not supposed to do...but it happens sometimes!)
I'll probably have my glucose screening this Friday. I'm a little worried about it, since I know i've been using my baby as an excuse to give in to my sweet tooth. We'll see though. I'll find out soon!!
Well, that's enough of my ramblings for now. Be back on later!
It makes me laugh that she was "planning" an unassisted birth all along, because I am secretly hoping that's what happens for us too. Maybe I should start stockpiling "just in case" items too. ;) But seriously, I'm doing the same thing she did: planning my all natural hospital birth, while all the while visioning giving birth at home. Relaxing in bed and/or in the shower, doing yoga in the living room to help myself relax, giving birth in my own bed, with michael and my mom there to support, other family in the living room anxiously waiting to see the little guy.
Contrasted with:
Laboring at home/my parents for the majority of labor. I don't want to go to the hospital too early, but honestly i'm a little worried about how comfortable it will be to get in the car and sit like that while in transition. I will probably do most of the labor at my parents house, since they have a hot tub, and its closer to the hospital than my house. Ideally i'd like to get to the hospital and start pushing. Of course, first i'll have to make sure the nurses know my birth plan. No iv's, don't even offer me the epidural, baby goes right on my chest, no shots, at least an hour before they ask to take him for weights and footprints. Only michael, my mom and/or my doula in the room. Others not allowed to come in the room until after i'm transferred to the PP unit. Cold, clinical, sterile. I work in hospitals. I don't want to have my baby there.....
Anyways.....
This little boy seems to like using my bladder as a trampoline. And I can only feel him when I'm sitting down, or lying flat (which I know you're not supposed to do...but it happens sometimes!)
I'll probably have my glucose screening this Friday. I'm a little worried about it, since I know i've been using my baby as an excuse to give in to my sweet tooth. We'll see though. I'll find out soon!!
Well, that's enough of my ramblings for now. Be back on later!
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